Socially Anxious Introvert

Anxiety is an emotion characterized by an unpleasant state of inner turmoil, often accompanied by nervous behavior, such as pacing back and forth, somatic complaints and rumination. It is the subjectively unpleasant feelings of dread over anticipated events, such as the feeling of imminent death.

Anxiety... It sucks. Let me just say I am in no way a mental health expert, this is just my experience with my issues. Being someone with anxiety I often cancel on everything & everyone, if it involves having to leave my house to do a group activity I generally will find a way to bow out. It's nothing against anyone at all, it's seriously me. Most everyone who asks me to do something whether that be my sisters, friends, coworkers are all great people. I want to be asked to do stuff, sometimes crave it but when it comes right down to it I get extreme social anxiety. Even if it's something as silly as going to the mall or grabbing lunch. I developed this when I was in middle school and it only got worse as I entered high school. Freshman year was hell for me - like it is for anyone I'm sure but not knowing what this feeling was or being able to explain what was happening was torture. I started missing and failing a lot of classes at school & had to see the guidance counselor who would later tell me she thought I suffered from anxiety. Eventually I saw a doctor who put me on medication that helped - I was able to leave the house and go to school or occasionally out. And then like many do we feel better and don't think we need to swallow a pill everyday. So I stopped the medication. I've done this several times over the years - I don't know why I keep thinking maybe this is something I'll outgrow. But I've come to the realization it's not. I will always obsessively and constantly worry about things that aren't even happening. Enter depression here... Again something I've battled and struggled with since I was about 9 & suddenly lost my dad to suicide. I'm sure a lot of my constant worrying comes from losing him so young. I started to stay up extremely late, not being able to sleep because my mind would not shut off. I ended up causing myself a lot of hassle and grief.

A lot of people are surprised to hear I have these issues. I get a ton of "I never would have guessed" or "you don't seem like someone who has anxiety" and that's because for a long time I was ashamed of it, embarrassed even. I don't go around acting like a basket case - Age has helped me to realize that it's ok for people to know. Instead of suffering in silence and getting 20 questions as to what's wrong for those who know they have a bit of insight into why I'm feeling the way I am. Nervous people live in either the past or the future. When we are in lowered tones, we live in the past, rehashing what was, what could have been. When we are in fearful temper, we agonize over the future, over what may transpire.

As cheesy as it is I am a big believer in using positive affirmations to reprogram your negative thoughts. There are different kinds of negative self-talk. The Worrier often promotes "what if..." thoughts and promotes anxiety. My biggest what if thought is always, "What if I get sick and throw up?" or "what if I start to get a migraine?" The other kinds of sub personalities are the Perfectionist ("I should, or I have to" thoughts) which promotes chronic stress and burnout, the victim ("I can't. I'll never be able to) promotes depression, and the Critic ("Can't you ever get it right?") which promotes low self esteem.

I also consider myself an introvert. 
An introvert is a person who draws energy from time spent alone. Introverts find social situations draining and need time alone to recharge after being around people. They tend to be introspective and like to explore thoughts and feelings. They may prefer to talk about concepts and ideas rather than making small talk. Introverts usually like to work behind the scenes, prefer written to verbal communication and express themselves only after careful thought.  The resulting crowd, which is often loud, noisy and congested, easily overstimulates introverts and drains them of their physical energy. They end up feeling more physically isolated than supported by their surroundings, and would rather be anywhere but that sea of people. Small talk stresses them out, while deeper conversations make them feel alive. A lot of my anxiety stems from me worrying about worrying and how that will effect what others think of me. I have to remind myself that it doesn't matter if people think I am weird because I get panic attacks. It only matters what I think of me and I have to remind myself that I love and respect myself the way I am even with my anxiety no matter what anyone else thinks. So here's to trying to get out there a little more in 2015!

Lights, Camera, Lashes - Tarte Mascara

Hi dolls, so let me just say that I have never ever spent $20 on mascara. To me that's madness! Give me the good ole drug store mascara that costs maybe $7-$9 any day! But I got a sample of Tarte's mascara in my Ipsy bag a couple of months ago and as soon as I tried it I fell in love. I was telling my husband about it one day while we were out and he told me to just buy it. We sometimes once in a blue moon play a game where we will spend $20 on something we normally would never get. On this day for me it was mascara, for him an Underarmore hat. So anyway I can totally understand why this stuff is $20 bucks - it's fabulous. This mascara is so pigmented and dark, it lengthens lashes like crazy and does add a decent amount of volume. Will I continuously buy it - no not every time I run out because let's be for real making a separate trip to Ulta for it probably won't happen but as a special buy yes I would so purchase it again! What's your favorite mascara or makeup splurge?!

Insurgent By Veronica Roth

Summary:
One choice can transform you—or it can destroy you. But every choice has consequences, and as unrest surges in the factions all around her, Tris Prior must continue trying to save those she loves—and herself—while grappling with haunting questions of grief and forgiveness, identity and loyalty, politics and love.
Tris's initiation day should have been marked by celebration and victory with her chosen faction; instead, the day ended with unspeakable horrors. War now looms as conflict between the factions and their ideologies grows. And in times of war, sides must be chosen, secrets will emerge, and choices will become even more irrevocable—and even more powerful.
Transformed by her own decisions but also by haunting grief and guilt, radical new discoveries, and shifting relationships, Tris must fully embrace her Divergence, even if she does not know what she may lose by doing so

Rating: ***** (5 Stars)
Review: After having not been immersed in the Divergent world since I read the first book 6 months prior, I had qualms about diving headfirst into Insurgent without refreshing myself with the basic events that happened prior to the start of this novel. However, having neither the time nor the care for rereading a book with this enticing, new, fresh book lying in front of me, I decided to be a Dauntless and take the risk (small risk, but hey, it's the thought that counts).

I didn't read Insurgent for its romance. It's obviously a perk, of course, but the romance between Tobias and Tris isn't the main focus of the novel, not at all. The conspiracies, the conspiracies within the conspiracies, and the struggle between choosing what feels right and what logically is right is oftentimes employed here that makes you want to read further and further to see who's really the good guy. And then somewhere along the way, you realize that the good guy may not be the nicest guy. I think Roth aptly puts this to justice when she writes: "And while he has done cruel, evil things, our society is not divided into “good” and “bad.” Cruelty does not make a person dishonest, the same way bravery does not make a person kind." The multilayers to every action and every character makes you stop and think of the macro events, which is what I believe books should truly be about.
I think the pacing, though not entirely perfect is pretty good. The conflict is established, the people approach it and the results pan out. The middle part; the conflict is exceptionally well written because you actually do end up feeling a bit tense and even worried for Tris when she's placed in a situation where her life is jeopardized. Over all this was a good book and the ending leaves you with a major cliffhanger to which you immediately want to start the third and final book in the series. However let me know that I will be doing a separate review for the third book, it won't be pretty. Fair warning! And don't even get me started on how different the second movie was from the book! Feel free to sound off in the comments below if you agree!

Curssed By Jennifer Armentrout

Summary: Dying sucks
...and high school senior Ember McWilliams knows firsthand.

After a fatal car accident, her gifted little sister brought her back. Now anything Ember touches dies. And that, well, really blows.

Ember operates on a no-touch policy with all living things--including boys. When Hayden Cromwell shows up, quoting Oscar Wilde and claiming her curse is a gift, she thinks he's a crazed cutie. But when he tells her he can help control it, she's more than interested. There's just one catch: Ember has to trust Hayden's adopted father, a man she's sure has sinister reasons for collecting children whose abilities even weird her out. However, she's willing to do anything to hold her sister's hand again. And hell, she'd also like to be able to kiss Hayden. Who wouldn't?

But when Ember learns the accident that turned her into a freak may not have been an accident at all, she's not sure who to trust. Someone wanted her dead, and the closer she gets to the truth, the closer she is to losing not only her heart, but her life.

For real this time.

Rating: ***** (5 Stars)
Review: Ok so I finished up this book while I was on vacation in Mexico & it was the perfect book to read lounging in a hammock or cabana on the beach. I really like Jennifer Armentrout's style of writing - she really pinpoints how YA really talk without it being annoying. I've read 3 out of 5 books in her Lux series which is fantastic btw! How rare is it to find a fantasy/paranormal standalone that's this good? Jennifer is a real genius. The story is intense, the characters are well written, and nothing feels pressured.  It has you guessing what's going to happen and it has so many twists and turns it will leave you dizzy. From the very first page I could not put this book down. It's heart-stopping and exciting and every page leaves you breathless and needing more. So many times during this book I thought I knew who was good and who was bad just to have everything change again. It was the perfect balance of suspense and romance between Hayden and Ember. I felt throughout the book that Ember was so strong, to have gone through everything she did and the fact that at her young age she tried so hard to take care of her little sister. I really loved this book and highly recommend it.

See I told you it was a good beach book 😉

Guess Who's Back

Back again! Katie's back - tell a friend. Ok, I'm really sorry for the Eminem song reference. But it made me laugh. I can not seem to keep up with blogging - once I get going I am really awesome at it (not to toot my own horn but beep beep!) but once I hit a wall I forget it ever existed. I've read so many books since last year & want to do reviews on all of them but it's overwhelming. I also went on a few vacations I want to tell you all about but again overwhelming! So let's start off where I'm at currently and then we can flash back to cool specific moments that have happened over the past year. Right now I am stuck on my couch with some sort of evil sinus/head cold. It's gotten ahold of everyone in the Klueg household & ruined our weekend. Hopefully it'll subside soon - send some get well vibes our way! Apart from that were in the middle of redoing our home décor. Ever reach a point where you go into every single room of your house and suddenly hate it all?! Yup that's me right now. I don't know if it's because I'm approaching 30 (eeek!) and my tastes have changed or if I might be watching too much HGTV for my own good. My issue is keeping focus on one room. We started with the kitchen; got it painted and put new shelving up. Over the past couple of months I've been collecting pieces to go in there but I get easily distracted and move onto other projects. So the house is in a bit of a chaotic state right now. If you've ever seen the show Fixer Upper on HGTV with Joanna & Chip Gaines that would basically describe everything I am trying to obtain for our home. I love the rustic farmhouse look with a little bit of shabby chic cottage flair. We have gotten so many pieces of furniture to redo it's kind of ridiculous. But I'm extremely excited to start on those - I'm going to be giving chalk paint a try for many of those pieces. As I start I'll try and post before and after pictures. For now I will leave you with some of our recent completed projects:

Here's our living room before - we loved red obviously. 

And here we are after - it's so much more inviting. I made the curtains out of drop cloths & actually redid the green/yellow pillows that came with the couch. 

This was probably the easiest and cheapest project I've ever done. Picked up this window pane for $5 and printed some 8x10 pictures from Walgreens, with a coupon I maybe paid $7 total. My friend made the decal lettering for $16. 

And last but not least, my absolute favorite addition so far: 

The shelving in our kitchen is beyond perfect, thanks to my wonderful husband who basically did this project for me. It's beautiful and I sometimes catch myself walking by the kitchen just to see it! If you have any questions as to what materials we used, where we got any of the aboved pictured or how to's just let me know! 

Bombshell Mascara by Covergirl

Hello there ladies! I am super excited to write a review about this product! Let me just start out by saying I love makeup & once upon a time I thought it was something I wanted to do with my life but living in good ole Evansville, IN I knew it wasn't an ideal career choice for me. I've tried countless mascaras some good and some very bad but when I saw a review on this product on Youtube I knew the next time I was at the store I wanted to pick this up and try it for myself. First of all you should watch Kandee Johnson's first impressions video for this & then tell me you're not convinced {link below!} I like that it doesn't leave my lashes clumpy and short. It actually makes them look long and thick. I will say a couple of things I don't like about this mascara is the packaging, the wand is huge and not ideal for sticking in your to go makeup bag & it's a bit difficult to get off but then isn't that what we look for, products that last and don't wear off? So with that said I do spend an extra couple of minutes on  my makeup removing routine getting this mascara off. But I can get past that for the price of $9!

This is the only pic I got after I applied this mascara, I should have gotten another closer up of my eyes but oh well. I can tell a difference in length!

Click here to watch Kandee Johnson's First Impression Video

The Fault In Our Stars By John Green

Summary: Despite the tumor-shrinking medical miracle that has bought her a few years, Hazel has never been anything but terminal, her final chapter inscribed upon diagnosis. But when a gorgeous plot twist named Augustus Waters suddenly appears at Cancer Kid Support Group, Hazel's story is about to be completely rewritten.

Rating: ***** (5 Stars)
Review: So here I lay, after reading this book with swollen eyes, a runny nose, a wet puffy face and a whole lot of heart ache and a head ache too. For the past year I've seen this book everywhere. It was the first book cover I would see walking into Barnes & Noble, I often saw people reading it in Starbucks when I would stop in to get my green tea frap, & it was Goodreads Choice Winner for 2012. Let me just say the entire book is wonderful.  I loved John Green's wit. I gave his characters a little leeway on the maturity scale, but still I didn't believe they could be this articulate. But I loved Green's writing so much, I didn't mind. Without the wit and endearing characters, this would be nothing but a book about cancer. Green's characters feel real and quirky and I fell for them and felt for them. I cried for them. In unexpected ways, like Hazel's parents waiting for the loss they know is coming and Hazel trying not to be a grenade in their lives. And the complications of facing your own mortality and therefore being wise beyond your years but still having to live like a teenager with all its restrictions. Then there's watching your friends die off and dealing with the shallowness of people who weren't there through the tough times. I made the mistake of thinking I could read this book at work, I actually had to make myself stop reading because I had tears coming down my face at my desk! So if you don't want others to think you are having some kind of breakdown save it for the comfort of your own home where you can ugly cry all you want!

The Fault In Our Stars is an insightful and moving novel that will not just leave you with a inspiring story to remember, but also with a more optimistic understanding of life. I think the movie to this book comes out in June & after seeing Divergent this past weekend I'm really looking forward to seeing it. Shailene Woodley knocked Divergent out of the park for me & the trailer for The Fault In Our Stars also looked impressive. I'll be sure to bring along a box of Kleenex to go with my popcorn.